15 quick tips to Instantly Improve your First Responder Marriage

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Relationship advice. Marriage Advice. Couples tips. Books. Counseling.

These all take TIME. Time that is hard to come by, and time that might not be available (especially when you hardly see your spouse!)

Yes, we should make time for our spouse, intentional time, but that doesn’t happen as often as it should. Maybe you even believe that if you don’t make hours of time each day for your spouse that your relationship will suffer. Or that by not talking to them (especially while they are on shift) that you have somehow messed up your marriage.

So we know that we want to give our marriage time and improve it, but how?

What if their was a way to instantly improve your marriage with the little time you had, the stolen time you sneak in between work and chores and the second job. Or maybe you just want to add some spice to your marriage- you get so into the normal routine that nothing exciting happens anymore.

Reconnecting with your spouse can be exciting. It can be Fun. It can also be done in under 5 minutes a day.

These tips are easy, quick and inexpensive. The best part, they can lead to a happier marriage- instantly.

Man and Woman Happy on a Bicycle. Tips to improve your marriage.

15 Tips for Instantly Improving your Marriage

1.Give them an honest compliment (one with substance). Not like, “You smell Nice” but more like ” I really appreciate that you did the dishes after dinner, it always makes me happy when we work together”

2. Go to bed at the same time together.

3. Pick up their favorite item from the grocery store or gas station without telling them ahead of time.

4. Next time you are home before your spouse, make sure to greet them at the door. Be excited, give them some affection and tell them how happy you are to see them.

5. Pull the car over and makeout.

6. Give them a surprise shoulder massage.

15 Ways to Instantly Improve your First Responder Marriage

7. Make a little love note (like a post-it) and leave it where they can see it before work. bonus- add several traits that you love about them.

8. Ask them to go for a walk with you (even if its around the yard) and hold hands.

9. Genuinely Compliment them in front of someone else, the kids, your family, the neighbors.

10. Take 5 minutes and plan out your next date night. It helps to have one or two ideas in mind so it doesn’t have to be a hard decision.

Check out my list of date ideas- I included fancy, cheap and daytime options.

11. Text them something sweet- especially at the start of their work day so they can start the day off on the right foot.

12. Bring up a funny memory you have with your spouse and share it with them.

13. Turn off their alarm and wake them up with some kisses- just like you did when you first started sharing a bed.

14. Next time you get frustrated, give them a compliment sandwich. It does require you to stop and think before talking. “I’m thankful you grabbed the trash cans when you came home from work. You forgot to put the trash bag out before pickup. I really appreciate that you mowed the lawn even though you didn’t have time”

15. Give them a call only to tell them how much you love and appreciate them. If they don’t answer, leave them a sweet voicemail.

But is it really that simple?

Can you really improve your marriage when you start doing small things like what was mentioned above?

Yes you can, and here’s why.

You’ll notice that your marriage has evolved into this thing that has it’s own set of rules. Your spouse likes this one thing, so you do it without thinking about it. Likewise your spouse knows you prefer to go to the gym only on weekdays, so they accommodate for that.

But that also applies to other family relationships, or work relationships. You begin to find a groove, people understand certain things about you. You grab your coworker coffee, and you make your cousin her favorite dessert. But do you also do those things for your spouse?

That’s why you want to make a marriage special. You shouldn’t be calling your coworker just to tell them how much you appreciate them, when you never tell your spouse. You won’t be texting your mom ” I love you” 10 times a day (though it’s totally good to tell your mom you love her), when all your spouse get is grocery lists and chore reminders.

You don’t want to treat your spouse like a coworker, and you don’t want to treat a coworker or other person better than your spouse- that’s backwards. You don’t want to have more respect for your coworker or family member (like talking to them calmly when a mistake has been made), than your spouse.

So when you take the time to do these little things, that show love and appreciation to your spouse, your building up the relationship. These little actions do have an instant impact on your marriage, and they also have a very big long term impact.


Here’s what you need to do now.

Grab your top three items in this list (or other you thought about) and try them out this week.

Find the time to love on your spouse- you’ll be glad you did.

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