Throw out all the stats, throw out all the family stuff (whose married and whose on their third divorce), throw out the societal expectations about what marriage is supposed to be about.
Those thoughts won’t help you when you need it most.
Where do YOU turn when your marriage needs help?
Unless you are casually dating a firefighter, in which case you should check out this post about everything you need to know about dating a firefighter.
This is a loaded question, and sometimes it’s one of those “ you get what you pay for”.
Do you stumble along and hope that your marriage just turns out fine?
Watch Movies where the couple makes it through?
Or do you look for something with more stability and substance that actually helps when you need it?
I’m going to get personal with you here- My husband and I both come from a long line of divorces. I actually had to look at the family tree to see how far back it went- four generations.
So when we needed help in our marriage, we couldn’t turn to our family.
That was a recipe for disaster!
And half our friends were married, half weren’t and honestly we’re all just trying to figure this out.
So I don’t really recommend confiding in your friends- simply because they remember. When things get better they can still be those voices that downplay your marriage.
You don’t need that. You need advice and you need help so that you can figure out what the heck is happening in your marriage with the good times and the bad.
I finally went to an old family friend after some bad times, who had been married for 30 years, and with his book recommendation and some help from google, I now have three amazing books that helped with my marriage.
These three books are easy to digest and PROVEN time and time again by the authors and the reviewers.
You’ve probably even heard of one or all of these (and I would hope that you can read and use them to help in your marriage!)
Every Marriage is different and it absolutely has ups and downs. These books are for the ups and the downs. Mostly the downs, but we appreciate the sun after the storm. It can’t always be good.
Also, I wanted to recommend a few more helpful books at the bottom of this post, after I review the books for marriage.
Sometimes we need more self growth than we realize.
This article may contain affiliate links at no additional cost to you, read the disclosure here.
One Last Note On Statistics
There are two very important statistical ideas that we need to focus on when we talk about a marriage in crisis.
The first is that, despite what the media portrays, divorce in the United States is actually decreasing. Shocking right? This is due to a number of factors- yes people are still getting married!
The other thing you need to consider is your life span.
Take for instance someone who is married at 30. They will live, on average, another 30-45 years.
If you have marriage problems, say, the second year, the fifth and six year, and the fifteenth year- thats 4 years out of 40.
THAT’S ONLY TEN PERCENT OF YOUR MARRIAGE.
That’s actually really good!
Think about a business, how many bad years do business’s have? On average 1 out of 3 years is rough. That’s why they have safe guards in place.
When you are in the thick of a “bad year” you aren’t looking at long term.
Take a step back and really evaluate your relationship and what you see for the future (I’m not talking about abusive relationships here, I’m talking about really shitty years with shitty communication and you and your spouse are ready to duke it out in the boxing ring- politely of course)
We tend to think that our relationships should be perfect all the time with no bad years. But that’s not the case.
Would you throw away your marriage because of 10%?
3 Books for a Marriage in Crisis
This book is designed with practicality in mind.
It is not a complicated book, because it focuses on finding out what each of the love languages the spouses have.
Once you know what the love languages are, what your spouse has, and what you have. You can begin to implement them so that you can help you marriage flourish and grow.
What I liked about it
I really liked how simple it was.
It didn’t require a lot of time to read, and it didn’t require a lot of time to implement. I was able to apply it and see results almost immediately.
Turns out my Husband and I both have different love languages- and they are ones that we didn’t even realize!
What I didn’t like
It does have some traditional gender stereotypes that the wording could have been misconstrued by someone in an abusive relationship.
I tend to be sensitive to these things, so I only mention it in case someone else is too. The information is truly good- you just need to wade through some sentences where the language wasn’t properly thought out.
The Love Dare is a journey for the Husband and Wife.
It is written in a Christian tone, and it focuses on building a relationship with God and your spouse. It was the premise of the movie, FireProof
What I liked about it
I really enjoyed talking with my husband everyday about the dares, and I liked that it was easy enough to do in 10 minutes.
We are busy, but we want to work on our marriage daily. I also enjoyed how it was “light”. What I mean is, it was easy to read, discuss and start to implement almost immediately.
What I didn’t like
The Book isn’t super in depth, however it is a really good starting point for developing some healthy habits in the relationship especially if you are having a difficult time communicating.
This book focuses heavily on communication, and delves into the psychology behind how couples (specifically men and women) communicate.
It is really for anyone in any stage of their marriage, looking to dive into communication and the cycles we get stuck in. This book is based on some traditional biblical principles about love and respect.
What I liked about it
This book highlighted some things about my marriage that my husband and I had completely overlooked, especially since we grew up in divorced households.
Out of all the books we’ve read, this one allowed for the most communication about what my Husband and I expect from each other and what we need to give one another.
What I didn’t like
Again, this book, like many others, is outdated in gender stereotypes.
I would encourage you to look past some of the sentences that could be easily misconstrued in an abusive relationship and focus on the core of the book.
More Books for A Happier Life
This book will change your life if you apply the principles inside. It is still a highly recommended and purchased book despite being older.
I got this book when I was in High School.
A teacher had given it to me, which was kind of odd at the time, but it turned out to be one of the best books I had ever read or been gifted.
The book is rather old school in writing, but the content is gold. The author teaches you how to live the life you always wanted in simple actionable steps, and for a lonely teenager who had a bleak outlook on life, this was my ticket to a new world.
I can honestly say that action in this book not only changed my life for the better, but it was EASY to do so.
This was a really helpful book for those that deal with anxiety.
Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own thoughts that we aren’t able to really communicate with others.
Or we might have feelings like we are inadequate or our spouse is cheating on us etc etc- even though those things aren’t true.
This book helped to change the negative thinking patterns.
Hopefully, one of the books above resonated with you, or you own a copy and can go refresh yourself.
A marriage is a living organism, we need to feed it and nurture it so that it can grow- and sometimes we need to work on ourselves too.
I compiled all the latest data on Firefighter Divorce Statistics too- definitely check that out!
Do you have any books that you would recommend for someone in a similar situation?
Share this post for others that may need some maritial inspiration for a marriage in need of help!