Firefighter Marriages can take on a lot of stress because of the demands of the fire life. And maybe even worse, is that many times, Firefighter couples will only use counseling as a last resort (ask me how I know!)
So where do you turn when you need some advice? The information online is pretty slim (I mean, we don’t even have a good youtube channel I can recommend!) but we do have books!
Unless you are casually dating a firefighter, in which case you should check out this post about everything you need to know about dating a firefighter.
I’m going to get personal with you here- My husband and I both come from a long line of divorces. I actually had to look at the family tree to see how far back it went- four generations.
So when we needed help in our marriage, we couldn’t turn to our family.
Plus I don’t really recommend confiding in your friends- simply because they remember. When things get better they can still be those voices that downplay your marriage.
You don’t need that. You need advice and you need help so that you can figure out what the heck is happening in your marriage with the good times and the bad.
I finally went to an old family friend after some bad times, who had been married for 30 years, and with his book recommendation and some help from google, I now have three amazing books that helped with my marriage.
Every Marriage is different and it absolutely has ups and downs. These books are for the ups and the downs. Mostly the downs, but we appreciate the sun after the storm. It can’t always be good.
Also, I wanted to recommend a few more helpful books at the bottom of this post, after I review the books for marriage.
Sometimes things are hard… but it won’t always be that way! I Promise.
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Why use Marriage Counseling Books?
Marriage Counseling books are recommended for Firefighter Marriages for a few reasons.
The biggest is that they can fit into the busy and sometimes hectic schedule of Firefighter lifestyles (because those shift schedules get kinda crazy! )
The next reason is that books can often be easier to implement when you are ready to make a change. Keyword here is “ready”. If you or your spouse isn’t ready, then reading books won’t be of much use.
And Finally, using marriage counseling books can highlight the need to find a real life counselor. Sometimes books can leave you more confused and seeking out someone skilled in saving marriages can be a huge benefit.
Quick note about Firefighter Statistics
There are two very important statistical ideas that we need to focus on when we talk about a marriage in crisis.
The first is that, despite what the media portrays, divorce in the United States is actually decreasing. Shocking right? This is due to a number of factors- yes people are still getting married!
The other thing you need to consider is your life span.
Take for instance someone who is married at 30. They will live, on average, another 30-45 years.
If you have marriage problems, say, the second year, the fifth and six year, and the fifteenth year- thats 4 years out of 40.
THAT’S ONLY TEN PERCENT OF YOUR MARRIAGE.
That’s actually really good!
Think about a business, how many bad years do business’s have? On average 1 out of 3 years is rough. That’s why they have safe guards in place.
When you are in the thick of a “bad year” you aren’t looking at long term.
Take a step back and really evaluate your relationship and what you see for the future (I’m not talking about abusive relationships here, I’m talking about really shitty years with shitty communication and you and your spouse are ready to duke it out in the boxing ring- politely of course)
We tend to think that our relationships should be perfect all the time with no bad years. But that’s not the case.
Would you throw away your marriage because of 10%?
3 Books for a Marriage in Crisis
The 5 love Languages by Gary Chapman
This book is designed with practicality in mind.
It is not a complicated book, because it focuses on finding out what each of the love languages the spouses have.
Once you know what the love languages are, what your spouse has, and what you have. You can begin to implement them so that you can help you marriage flourish and grow.
Three reasons you’ll enjoy this book
- Very simple book
- It didn’t require a lot of time to read, and it didn’t require a lot of time to implement. I was able to apply it and see results almost immediately.
- Will highlight the ways you want to be loved- even if you didn’t understand it before reading this book
How to Improve your Marriage without talking about it
Two Doctors dive into Biological differences with how men and women communicate- and the damage that can happen from not understanding each other. Focusing more on connection, and not on communication, you’ll find a lot of very easy to use practical advice in this book.
Three reasons you’ll enjoy this book
- it covers the nonverbal side with clear simplicity.
- The book highlights how genders communicate nonverbally- and what the opposite gender thinks the hand gestures and physical touch mean (even when it’s wrong!)
- has a lot of stories that can make it very easy to relate too
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
This book focuses heavily on communication, and delves into the psychology behind how couples (specifically men and women) communicate.
It is really for anyone in any stage of their marriage, looking to dive into communication and the cycles we get stuck in. This book is based on some traditional biblical principles about love and respect.
Three reasons you’ll enjoy this book
- can be very helpful for couples that come from divorced families
- includes questions to ask yourself and your spouse that you likely hadn’t thought of before
- comes with a workbook that can be a quick and important way to uncover the root issues in your marriage
More Books for A Happier Life
The Power of Positive Thinking
This book will change your life if you apply the principles inside. It is still a highly recommended and purchased book despite being older.
I got this book when I was in High School.
A teacher had given it to me, which was kind of odd at the time, but it turned out to be one of the best books I had ever read or been gifted.
The book is rather old school in writing, but the content is gold. The author teaches you how to live the life you always wanted in simple actionable steps, and for a lonely teenager who had a bleak outlook on life, this was my ticket to a new world.
I can honestly say that action in this book not only changed my life for the better, but it was EASY to do so.
Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking
This was a really helpful book for those that deal with anxiety.
Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own thoughts that we aren’t able to really communicate with others.
Or we might have feelings like we are inadequate or our spouse is cheating on us etc etc- even though those things aren’t true.
This book helped to change the negative thinking patterns.
Hopefully, one of the books above resonated with you, or you own a copy and can go refresh yourself.
A marriage is a living organism, we need to feed it and nurture it so that it can grow- and sometimes we need to work on ourselves too.
I compiled all the latest data on Firefighter Divorce Statistics too- definitely check that out!
Do you have any books that you would recommend for someone in a similar situation?
Share this post for others that may need some maritial inspiration for a marriage in need of help!