Dating a Firefighter Advice + Secrets they don’t share

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Dating a Firefighter can be both fun and nerve wracking, Seriously, there’s a lot to unpack with the Fire Life. You can be casual friends, people that have found each other on dating apps (I’ll go ahead and say hookup apps too) or maybe just an admirer from afar.

But what’s it really like when it comes to dating a Firefighter? Is it like the movies with the wild scenes of love and daring rescue? Is the crew at the station going to ignore you, flirt with you, or try to break the two of you up?

And what’s with all the rumors about Firefighters being unfaithful dogs that leave women in the dust while they save the locals in heroic news worthy feats?

There are some things you need to know about dating a firefighter, from ridiculous stereotypes that are anything but true, to the feel good stuff that makes your heart warm.

Buckle up for the ride- it’s not quite as enchanting as a Hallmark movie (though I watch the firefighter cat Christmas one every year- seriously! it’s a favorite) but it’s the kind of stuff that you’ll be glad you know! But if the LODD (Line of Duty Death) stuff is stressing you out- highly recommend checking out these tips for managing the anxiety that comes with the territory.

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These are pretty well kept secrets when it comes to firefighter dating.


This is going to apply to Volunteer and Career firefighters- but not so much to WildLland. Yes, some of it applies, but wildland firefighters have their own weird schedules and brotherhood that might make dating even more difficult.

So you found yourself a firefighter? Things can be a little different when you date one- but not in a bad way, just different. Really, really different. There’s definitely pros and cons to dating a firefighter!

NEW YORK, USA – JULY 4, 2013: Exterior view of New York City Fire Department. FDNY is the largest fire department in the USA with 15,870 employees and 198 engines.

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The Truths about Dating a Firefighter


They are going to have a lot of firefighter tshirts and apparel- and they might not even realize it. And they will probably want to keep all of it… forever. Pinterest is littered with Firefighter T-shirt quilts.

If you want to know how serious your relationship is, ask for one of their tshirts…


They’ve got some baggage, like the emotional kind – Being a Firefighter is cool and all, but some of the stuff they’ve had to deal with, from things at the station to calls they’ve run, can add up to some bad memories.

This is not an excuse for them to be assholes– simply a reminder that some days will be better than others. 

For example, they might ‘trauma dump’ about calls they’ve gone on from the past, or the one they just went on last shift. They also might have an issue with large crowds, certain venues or makes/models of vehicles.

It’s best for you to have some healthy boundaries in place, and make sure they know that, while their work is important, it has to stay at work.

Pro Dating Tip: It’s a good sign when your Firefighter has a Therapist or trusted Group they can use for staying Mentally Healthy.


They have their own code/language/hand signs (honestly its like some sort of legal gang). And don’t even get into it about ‘bad fires’ and ‘good fires’

And they might be really awful at explaining some of the code and how it relates to fire stuff. 

Or where the heck they picked up all these code words and slang. But it’s also kinda cute to hear them talk about fire stuff.


All Firefighters feel something when there is a LODD (Line of Duty Death) – He’s scrolling through his Insta Feed, on google, or just talking to friends and all of a sudden, his mood turns sour.

It was probably a LODD.

Maybe he wants to talk about it, maybe he needs a few minutes, but the truth is that there is a firefighter loss each week and its not the happiest thing to think about. It really sucks.

the lodd anxiety is no joke for spouses either– it’s why we talk so much about it, because we want you to know that you aren’t alone.


They are not automatic cheaters because they are firefighters. This is a huge lie that people say about dating firefighters.

If they cheat, it’s because they are cheaters before, during and after being a firefighter. Most Firefighters are good people.


They do have more instances to cheat. Firefighters typically go for other EMS/Nurse types and they can see these people on Shift. If your Firefighter has a person they ‘can’t stand’ or ‘always have an issue with’ you’ve got yourself a giant red flag!


Firefighters have a thing for big trucks and lights – Sure this applies to the job.

Obviously working as a firefighter they get their rocks off by playing with hose and scaring dog walkers with their loud sirens.

You’ll get to hear all about the difference between a rescue and a truck, from a ladder to a tower, and all about the latest new equipment.


Talking to you while working can be hard. Yes, most of the unmarried generation has cell phones and that makes things hella easy to stay in touch.

But if they get a call or have a meeting or training- DONT FREAK OUT. They are working. It’s likely things are totally fine.

Orrrr they’re an asshole. (I’ll hope for the best on this one.)

Wanna bug them on shift? Here’s a bunch of texts to send your Firefighter when you aren’t with them.


Most Firefighters end up wearing a ridiculous amount of navy blue and black.

Why? I have no idea besides its their uniform colors at work.

Maybe its a subconscious thing? if you figure it out… lemme know 💁 I feel like it’s starting to take over my wardrobe and I’d like some color back in my life.

Before you suggest an outfit change or get them clothes, see if they would actually wear it.


They can talk, and talk, and talk… about the fire life.

The drama. The fires. This really cool video they saw on youtube. 

PRO TIP: Either call them on their shit, or redirect. You don’t have to listen to them obsess about it forever. remind them that they have a life outside of the fire house.

And if you’re fighting about it… well, check this out. You can thank me later!


Firefighters, especially really hungry ones, can eat like a freakin caveman. Like grunting and all. Something to do with them rushing to eat in case theirs a call.

HOPEFULLY- you’ve never seen this side of your firefighter. It’s weird.

But if you have, I’m sorry, it’s a definite con.

The Secrets about dating a firefighter


Oh, and most of them actually can cook.

That’s not some weird stereotype. Even if they don’t cook like your grandma, they still should have a few good meals up their sleeve!


They are not rich. HA.

IF (and that’s a bigggg IF) they know how to budget their money, you’ll be doing ok. It always comes down to budgeting. But besides budgeting it IS funny to see what life is like with a firefighter.

You’ll be out in public and people will say, “You’re a firefighter! So what do you make?”

Not enough, stranger, not enough. Firefighters don’t do the job for the pay (though it should pay most of the bills!) Especially the volleys. Some dept do some paid stuff, but really- it’s never been about the money. Especially when it comes to taxes, Firefighters need all the help they can get (unless they’ve got an unicorn department, and more power to you if that’s the case!!)


Firefighters are at higher risks of Cancer, Heart Disease and Taking their own life. I don’t share this to scare you, but so that you can be part of the solution.

If you love them or see yourself having a family with them- talk about these things so they can make some preventative choices. 

Every job has it’s risks- every single one. BUT in the fire service, they’ve been having a hard time with change because of the way things used to be done.

Be an advocate for your firefighter and talk about the hard stuff before it gets hard.


Yes, Firefighter conventions are like. all. The. Time.

No, they probably aren’t lying to you about some last minute trip for a 5 day training in Vegas. 

They get an email or see some ad on instagram and bam! They hit you with the ” I want to go to this (training, convention, event, competition) in so and so.

It’s just one of those things that comes with the fire life.


And the calls… they aren’t lying about those either.

They can happen at anytime and for any reason. From stubbed toes to a multiple vehicle accident requiring the patient to be airlifted. 2 am to 2 pm. Good ones, bad ones, calls for filling up pools and getting cats out of trees and then the ones that keep them up at night for years to come.

Try not to be too noisy, Firefighters aren’t supposed to gossip- and that includes whoever they are dating! 


Don’t be surprised if they don’t bring you around the station too much when you first start dating.

There’s this really outdated saying, “Saving lives and stealing wives” and some firefighters are just little cautious.

Although, if it continues after awhile, there might be something else at play. Understandable in the beginning, but if you start to get really serious and he doesn’t want you to meet his second family, talk to him about it!


They are obsessed with Instagram- it’s their social platform.

They love the pictures and the videos and how many times so and so did this really cool workout.

I mean… have you seen some of the funny shit they post there? It’s gold!

Maybe your obsessed with Instagram too- perfect! If not, sorry! My firefighter even has a special firefighter group chat on instagram- it’s where they love to be!


Firefighters are totally inappropriate, and I’m not sure if that ever goes away.


They can’t have a beard.

And its a sour point for some of them because there are some studies that show that stubble might be beneficial or some jazz. Ask them about it. I’m sure you’ll get an earful.

OBVIOUSLY doesn’t apply to any lady firefighters you might be dating- just saying.


Firefighters are Educated. Want yourself an educated spouse? That would be a firefighter.

Not all of them are walking around with a 6 year degree (i mean… I use my degrees to write blog posts instead of their intended purposes, so that’s not saying much on my end either LOL!), but many many many of them have 2-4 years of school and training under their belt.

Even the volunteers, especially the ones that have been around awhile, have a lot of training and education. And that’s a good thing, I want someone with training when I call 911.

The BIGGEST SECRET about being in a relationship with a firefighter

Want to know the biggest secret?

The one that people might know but they often forget?

Here it is:

We love the firefighter, but not because of their job, we love them for who they are.

Because at any time in their life they could change careers- and if you truly loved them, you would stay with them despite the career change.

And if they truly loved you, they might change careers if they realize that being a firefighter could be causing more harm than good (like when they deal with severe PTSD and anxiety).

But also know that they can get help for these things and still be a firefighter.

Pros and Cons of being a Firefighter

Want some Firefighter Dating Advice?

Try not to compare them to any other person you have dated.

I know that sounds cut and dry, but let’s get honest here.

Firefighters are a rare breed- they live through things we can’t imagine, they are trained for things we would never do.

But like any other human- They deserved to be loved for the person they are.

So take all the secrets and truths up there so that you can UNDERSTAND your firefighter, but remember that no one relationship is the same. Comparison is the thief of joy!


What are the downsides to dating a fireman?

The downsides include strange schedules, not being able to contact your Fireman for long periods of time while they work, and not always knowing if they are safe (because if anything happened they would call family before they called a casual relationship)


Learn anything new? I hope so.

If not, drop me a comment or an email (no hate mail because you might not like the response you get, my clapback game is strong) and let me know what I missed on the whole dating thing.

Sometimes Firefighters need somewhere to point their new flame (HA!) and I thought a post outlining some of the things to expect would be most appropriate for helping the new couple with the fire side of dating.

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1 thought on “Dating a Firefighter Advice + Secrets they don’t share”

  1. Thank you for this post! Literally, perfect timing with the fact that you posted this yesterday 🙂 I am dating a firefighter, who has been a volunteer and is now a career hired firefighter. I will definitely share this with him so we can talk about it. I appreciate your blog. Thank you again!

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