Firefighter Couple Relationship Problems ( 7 common issues)

Let’s face it, every relationship has it’s ups and downs.

But:

Some of these problems are caused by external factors- like jobs, and probably wouldn’t be that big of an issue if they weren’t in that career. This is especially true for firefighters (both paid and volunteer) as their job impacts their relationship.

I point these out, not to scare people, or discourage a relationship, but to highlight the truth of the matter. No relationship is perfect, and being in the fire life can add some addition stress to a relationship.

So let’s look at these problems with an open mind, and hopefully find a solution (at least get honest!) about these problems!

What are the relationship problems that Firefighter couples face?

Let’s look at 7 common issues with Firefighters, and how we can combat them to make it work in the Fire Life.

Issues with Time Management

One of the big factors in a relationship is that each of the people pull their own weight. This is in every part of the relationship, from the communication to the sex to the budget.

But what if your partner doesn’t make time or really sucks at time management, and then things get put to the side because theirs no time left?

Yeah, it definitely puts a ding in the relationship.

This is especially true because many firefighters work odd hours, or two jobs. And don’t even get me started on a volunteer firefighters schedule! It can look CRAZY!

So many of these issues feel like a bigger deal than they are- but what it often boils down to, is that one or both of the pair have some serious issues with making the relationship a priority. It’s likely that many other areas of their life suffer from poor time management as well (late bills, high stress from lack of self care, house is a mess etc).

I do have a post on time management– but it won’t work unless you get honest about it!

Not understanding the fire life (the obsession is real)

Even some seasoned wives who’ve been in this for a long time will agree, it’s hard to truly grasp the fire life.

Some days I just look at my husband and think, how can he be this obsessed.

Thankfully, I really enjoy his career (I mean I blog about it!) and I love him, so I do my best to really get in his head and see it through his eyes. But not everyone is like that, not every one can be like that. It’s nice to have some things that are different about your relationship and personality.

BUT

When the obsession for the Fire life takes over- it can leave the relationship hurt.

It can also cause the opposite effect, where the other person begins to hate the love the firefighter has for his career. It is truly a double edged sword.

So think about it, can your firefighter turn off his notifications? Take a vacation? Not talk about the fire life for 24 hours?

Does it bother you when your firefighter CAN’T stop talking about firefighter stuff?

Lack of time off

Not many people understand this one. I KNOW that there are many many hardworking Americans in every profession, but there is something about first responders and military that makes it harder to take time off.

I mean, my husband was debating on if he should only do 4 weeks of paternity leave because the “guys will need him back”.

And we had to have an honest conversation about how I needed him, and the kids needed him, and he agreed.

But

Not all firefighters understand that. Or have had that explained to them. This is really true when the firefighters were doing their firefighter thing long before they had a girlfriend/fiance/wife.

Sometimes its the lack of time off because they are short staffed, other times it’s because they feel they can’t get away. Regardless- it has an effect on their relationship. and sometimes that isn’t always a good thing!

You have to accommodate for a Second Family

This certainly isn’t always the case, but in many departments it truly is a family.

Which is great. I love the firefighters my husband calls his family, I know they have his back when they are in the field, and they treat me like family too.

Then why am I sometimes jealous of their bromance?

It does seem kind of silly, but it’s also completely honest. Sometimes I resent that my husband has a second family because it means that he will never be 100% loyal to me. I know that if they needed help, or there was a mass casualty or there was a natural disaster- He would WANT and feel compelled to be there.

This is problem on my end, but a problem none the less because I will be angry or frustrated at him for being a loyal and dedicated worker to his people.

It’s one of those situations where you would check to see why you’re really angry or upset. Is it because he was gone for three hours to help out OR is it because you don’t feel like a priority anymore?

Dealing with PTSD and mental health

Let’s chat about PTSD really quick.

They estimate that the majority of firefighters will have PTSD at least once in their career- so it can be safe to assume that if you are in a long term relationship with a firefighter, at least one event will have some repercussions.

Then we consider that over half of Americans deal with depression or anxiety.

Those stats just made it really hard for a couple to have a “normal” life together.

Why? Because many people still view mental illness or PTSD as a weakness, and not something to get help for. When in reality their are many many things that can help, both big and small, for mental health.

If you are both feeling good, it is so much easier to have a relationship- but when things are hard mentally, or one of you is struggling with a battle in your head, it makes things so much harder!

Get honest with your partner about any hang ups you may have. If you can’t trust them, then who can you trust?

Spend more time away than together

Every relationship has “gaps” of time where the other partner is gone. As a firefighter, or a firefighter partner, you can guarantee that their will be gaps with a traditional work schedule.

But the special stuff tends to come up too. Forest Fires and other natural disasters can call Firefighters away from home for weeks or months at a time. Special events or schooling, conferences, classes for degrees or promotions can all lead to an excessive amount of time away from each other.

I know that when my husband was in medic school, and gone 6 days out of the week for most of the year and several months he only had two off days, about broke me. And if I was broken there would be no relationship.

Even just a traditional relationship, where both partners work, doesn’t allow for lots of time together. I do have some helpful text suggestions to send your Firefighter while their on shift here!

Think about the wife working Monday thru Friday and then the firefighter working 24/48. That leaves maybe one full day a week and then some nights to catch up.

That’s simply not enough time to even invest in the relationship, and it is a pitfall you need to watch for so that you don’t grow apart.

Not having enough money

This isn’t meant to feel cliche- it’s the truth.

Consider two scenarios:

The typical rookie firefighter who isn’t making enough to support his family. (feelings of inadequacy, feeling like a failure, having to get a second or third job)

The volunteer firefighter who feels guilty about volunteering when he should have a second job to support his family. He knows the value of volunteering, but he also feels bad his main job doesn’t make enough (or his volunteering gets in the way of a bigger paycheck because he always leaves to take calls).

Those scenarios are not made up- they’re lived by firefighters all over. And not having enough money will always have an impact on a relationship due to stress, trust, health issues etc. When 80% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, it can be stressful just to take a day off- even if it’s for being sick!

Consider what you can do to get honest about your money problems, get a budget and work on a plan to get to a better place financially.

Final Thoughts

Did any of these problems stand out to you in your relationship?

These are all common issues that have been highlighted to me through my personal life, as well as talking to other couples that are in the Firefighter Circle.

Comment below if you have any thoughts, or better yet, helpful advice, for others in this fun and sometimes ridiculous Fire Life!

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Need more Firefighter Relationship Info? Check out my helpful posts!

Advice and Books for a marriage in Crisis

Everything you need to know about dating a Firefighter

Tips for the Firefighter Couple

The Stats about Firefighter Divorce, are you at risk?

Firefighter Wife- Pros and Cons

Firefighter Wedding Gear for your Big Day!

firefighter wedding ideas

Wedding Bells and Fire Trucks! Yes, many Firefighters throughout modern history have chosen to mix the career with their wedding, some brides love it, others hate it- and I think the guests don’t care as long as theirs cake (and maybe a bar)

I’ve asked in many Firefighter circles and kept an eye on Pinterest to bring you the top Firefighter themed Wedding Gear and Ideas!

The Best Firefighter Wedding Gear for your big day!

This article may contain affiliate links at no additional cost to you, read the disclosure here.

Wedding Gear for the Bride and Groom

Beauties for the Bride

There are so many wonderful and unique options for Garters, especially on Etsy. Not only are these super cute and sexy, but a must have for any Firefighter Wedding!

Have fun with this custom Wedding Garter that comes in both tan and black (to match their bunker gear!!)


Or you could go straight up traditional and get a pretty satin Firefighter themed Garter– just depends on what pretties you want to show your Firefighter!

Jewlery

Looking for something classy to wear after your engagement, to your rehearsal or even for the wedding? There are so many beautiful jewelry pieces you can add to your collection from Amazon and Etsy! Listed below are the most popular- but their are SO MANY!



Groomsmen gifts

Check out these custom helmet shield keychains! They come in multiple colors and wording to make a truly unique gift for your groomsmen. Find them on Etsy! These are an affordable option for groomsmen gifts.

Want something unique and one of a kind! This set of 4 Halligan Bottle Openers, with customization, are a big hit for weddings this year!

Check out these unique Fire Extinguisher cufflinks! These are the perfect addition to their attire and a great gift!

A great groomsmen gift, is this handy firefighter zippo lighter. Since we all know that firefighters also like Fire (responsibly of course!)

T-shirts


It’s all about the CAKE!

If you are still cutting the cake (because so many are getting creative with donuts and cake pops!) then you need to check out these amazing custom Axes for your wedding! Talk about a memorable keepsake! These can be personalized in so many ways and are made by a Fellow Firefighter Wife!

Don’t forget about the wedding topper! Customize this Firefighter Silhouette for your wedding cake. Bonus it’s made in the USA- so you aren’t getting a cheap cake topper that might not look like the picture!

Random Firefighter Wedding Stuff I just had to tell you about!

Silicone Wedding Bands are a MUST for the Firefighter couple. Not only will these protect your hand and your fancy set of wedding bands, but they are also sporting the thin red line- perfect to show your Firefighter love.

This Custom Turnout Gear Wedding Pillow would probably be more appropriate as a wedding gift- but it is so adorable that I wanted to include it in this guide because it could definitely be something you get yourself!

Custom Firefighter Wedding Flutes are an adorable must have for the reception! These would be a great keepsake too.

Conclusion

There you have it, the best Firefighter gear for getting hitched! Did you find something you can’t live without?

Let me know in the comments below!

And if you have any suggestions, send them my way, I’d love to be able to update this as more Firefighter Wedding items come onto the market.

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More for Firefighter Relationships

Secrets to Dating a Firefighter

Hot Date Ideas for Firefighter Couples

40 Texts for your Firefighter on Shift



40 texts to send to your Firefighter on shift

I think we can all agree- getting a sweet text message is a real pick me up. Especially when you’ve had a bad call or a crazy fire.

And it can be so much more than that too. It can be

  • A sweet surprise
  • A way for them to know that you are thinking about them
  • A fun way to connect with them, when they aren’t home
  • An easy way to add value to your relationship

We know that firefighter relationships aren’t always the easiest to maintain with the crazy schedules and the PTSD.

Which is why these quick and easy texts are even more important. If you’re looking for tips instead of texts, head over to my relationship tips for Firefighters or Check out this advice for a marriage in crisis.

This article may contain affiliate links at no additional cost to you, read the disclosure here.

When they are gone on shift, or for long periods of time, it can be hard to know what to text them besides the same old stuff. Or even worse, the constant ” I miss you’s”.

I get it- sometimes the distance, seems really far, especially when you have other things going on in your life.

But let’s break away from talking about chores, the kids and if they slept that night and focus on some other things for a change.

I did write this more along the lines of the woman at home texting the man at work- but I totally understand there are many kickass female firefighters.

All the memes (for texting purposes) I created here are gender neutral. So ladies and gents- feel free to use these with whatever pronoun you like- just send the text!!!

Before the texts: A note about love languages

Have you read the book about love languages by Gary Chapman? If not, I highly suggest reading it (or at least look it up the free quiz he has to know what your love language is!) Check it out on Amazon here in paperback and kindle!

I mention the love languages because these messages can really speak to someone that needs Words of Affirmations. Obviously, they would enjoy all of these texts because that’s one of the primary ways they view love.

But:

This can also work for those that have one of the other 5 love languages. For instance, someone that really enjoys physical touch, will enjoy the texts about being intimate or the texts about memories of being touched in the past. Example : “I can’t wait to hold you again”

Those that focus on acts of service can be thankful for texts like this: “I made you your favorite dessert- you can have it for breakfast when you get home!”

People that are more in tune with receiving gifts will appreciate texts like :”I have a special surprise for you when you get home!” or ” I’m planning to send something special with you next shift”

Those that like quality time will enjoy these kinds of texts: “Let’s snuggle when you get back” “Can’t wait to spend our next days off just doing nothing with you!”

And Remember- most people have TWO primary love languages, or two that are very close just depending on what’s going on in their life right then.

So you can mix and match what you need to shower your spouse with love!

40 text ideas to send your firefighter while they are on shift. Don't let the boring texts of chores and schedules get in the way of connecting with your spouse while they are on shift. #firefighter #firefighterwife #firewife

40 Texts for your Firefighter

Meeting you was the best day of my life

Have I mentioned how Lucky I am to be with you.

I miss you like the idiot misses the point.

Bet you look super cute today in your uniform.

40 texts to send your Firefighter on Shift

Pretty sure we need to schedule a meeting- of our lips.

Are you tired? Because you’ve been running around my mind for the last 24 hours.

I’m so thankful you are such a hard worker!

You make me want to be a better person

Hey! I love you silly man

You know what’s even better than my dreams? YOU!

I love being with you, can’t wait for you to get home so we can hang out.

You make it so easy to be in love with you.

I love that you still love me even when I’m at my worst.

You are my knight in dirty bunkers!

You are one of the biggest blessings to ever happen to me.

Thank you for being you.

Can’t stop smiling whenever I think of you!

If only you knew how much I really loved you.

I’m married to one handsome guy!

40 texts to send your Firefighter on Shift

20.Did I mention lately that you have my heart? I’m so glad I can trust you with it!

I love you just the way you are.

I can’t wait to be pack in your arms again!

Today, Tomorrow and Forever, I’ll always be yours!

Thank you for helping out with…

You need to add me to the top of your to-do list

Even though your away, I still think about you all the time.

I’m so glad I get to grow old with you!

You are such a great dad (or brother, son, uncle)

It means so much to me when you…

I can’t wait to hear your voice again.

If I had to choose again, I’d choose you.

I’m so blessed to have you as my best friend, thanks for always being in my corner.

40 texts to send your Firefighter on Shift #firefighter

Remember that time when we… I can’t wait to do it again!

You are the very best thing to have ever happened to me.

You are one handsome looking man!

Thank you for working so hard for our family. It means a lot.

You are the one my heart loves.

In Closing

Text messages are so easy to do, and so thoughtful, but require so little of your time! Take the 2 minutes to think about a cute text and send it over to your spouse. It could be just what they need to get them through the day!

Do you have any other things you do to be sweet to your spouse while they are away? Drop it in the comments below! And save this post for when you need some inspiration!

Related Posts

You can also check out this list of ways to instantly improve your marriage (when they are home!)

Or for a Marriage in Crisis, you can access my advice and recommendations here.

Just DATING- I’ve got a post for you to! 20 secrets you need to know when dating a Firefighter

Firefighter Marriage in Crisis- Books and Advice that can Help

3 books for a Marriage in Crisis everyone should read


Throw out all the stats, throw out all the family stuff (whose married and whose on their third divorce), throw out the societal expectations about what marriage is supposed to be about.

Those thoughts won’t help you when you need it most.

Where do YOU turn when your marriage needs help?

Unless you are casually dating a firefighter, in which case you should check out this post about everything you need to know about dating a firefighter.

This is a loaded question, and sometimes it’s one of those “ you get what you pay for”.

Do you stumble along and hope that your marriage just turns out fine?

Watch Movies where the couple makes it through?

Or do you look for something with more stability and substance that actually helps when you need it? 

I’m going to get personal with you here- My husband and I both come from a long line of divorces. I actually had to look at the family tree to see how far back it went- four generations.

So when we needed help in our marriage, we couldn’t turn to our family.

 That was a recipe for disaster! 

And half our friends were married, half weren’t and honestly we’re all just trying to figure this out.

So I don’t really recommend confiding in your friends- simply because they remember. When things get better they can still be those voices that downplay your marriage. 

You don’t need that. You need advice and you need help so that you can figure out what the heck is happening in your marriage with the good times and the bad. 

I finally went to an old family friend after some bad times, who had been married for 30 years, and with his book recommendation and some help from google, I now have three amazing books that helped with my marriage. 

These three books are easy to digest and PROVEN time and time again by the authors and the reviewers.

You’ve probably even heard of one or all of these (and I would hope that you can read and use them to help in your marriage!)

Every Marriage is different and it absolutely has ups and downs. These books are for the ups and the downs. Mostly the downs, but we appreciate the sun after the storm. It can’t always be good. 

Also, I wanted to recommend a few more helpful books at the bottom of this post, after I review the books for marriage.

Sometimes we need more self growth than we realize. 

Help for a Firefighter Marriage in Crisis. Where do you turn when you need marriage advice to get you through the hard times? #firefighter #firefightermarriage #firewifelife

This article may contain affiliate links at no additional cost to you, read the disclosure here.

One Last Note On Statistics

There are two very important statistical ideas that we need to focus on when we talk about a marriage in crisis. 

The first is that, despite what the media portrays, divorce in the United States is actually decreasing. Shocking right? This is due to a number of factors- yes people are still getting married! 

The other thing you need to consider is your life span. 

Take for instance someone who is married at 30. They will live, on average, another 30-45 years. 

If you have marriage problems, say, the second year, the fifth and six year, and the fifteenth year- thats 4 years out of 40.

THAT’S ONLY TEN PERCENT OF YOUR MARRIAGE.

That’s actually really good! 

Think about a business, how many bad years do business’s have? On average 1 out of 3 years is rough. That’s why they have safe guards in place. 

When you are in the thick of a “bad year” you aren’t looking at long term.

Take a step back and really evaluate your relationship and what you see for the future (I’m not talking about abusive relationships here, I’m talking about really shitty years with shitty communication and you and your spouse are ready to duke it out in the boxing ring- politely of course)

We tend to think that our relationships should be perfect all the time with no bad years. But that’s not the case. 

Would you throw away your marriage because of 10%?

3 Books for a Marriage in Crisis 

The 5 love Languages by Gary Chapman 

Overview

This book is designed with practicality in mind.

It is not a complicated book, because it focuses on finding out what each of the love languages the spouses have.

Once you know what the love languages are, what your spouse has, and what you have. You can begin to implement them so that you can help you marriage flourish and grow. 

What I liked about it

I really liked how simple it was.

It didn’t require a lot of time to read, and it didn’t require a lot of time to implement. I was able to apply it and see results almost immediately.

Turns out my Husband and I both have different love languages- and they are ones that we didn’t even realize! 

What I didn’t like 

It does have some traditional gender stereotypes that the wording could have been misconstrued by someone in an abusive relationship.

I tend to be sensitive to these things, so I only mention it in case someone else is too. The information is truly good- you just need to wade through some sentences where the language wasn’t properly thought out. 

The Love Dare by Alex Kendrick

Overview

The Love Dare is a journey for the Husband and Wife.

It is written in a Christian tone, and it focuses on building a relationship with God and your spouse. It was the premise of the movie, FireProof 

What I liked about it

I really enjoyed talking with my husband everyday about the dares, and I liked that it was easy enough to do in 10 minutes.

We are busy, but we want to work on our marriage daily. I also enjoyed how it was “light”. What I mean is, it was easy to read, discuss and start to implement almost immediately. 

What I didn’t like

The Book isn’t super in depth, however it is a really good starting point for developing some healthy habits in the relationship especially if you are having a difficult time communicating. 

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

Overview

This book focuses heavily on communication, and delves into the psychology behind how couples (specifically men and women) communicate.

It is really for anyone in any stage of their marriage, looking to dive into communication and the cycles we get stuck in. This book is based on some traditional biblical principles about love and respect. 

What I liked about it

This book highlighted some things about my marriage that my husband and I had completely overlooked, especially since we grew up in divorced households.

Out of all the books we’ve read, this one allowed for the most communication about what my Husband and I expect from each other and what we need to give one another. 

What I didn’t like

Again, this book, like many others, is outdated in gender stereotypes.

I would encourage you to look past some of the sentences that could be easily misconstrued in an abusive relationship and focus on the core of the book. 

Get Helpful advice, tips and recommendations for a Firefighter Relationship that has taken the wrong turn.

More Books for A Happier Life 

The Power of Positive Thinking- Norman Vincent Peale

This book will change your life if you apply the principles inside. It is still a highly recommended and purchased book despite being older. 

I got this book when I was in High School.

A teacher had given it to me, which was kind of odd at the time, but it turned out to be one of the best books I had ever read or been gifted.

The book is rather old school in writing, but the content is gold. The author teaches you how to live the life you always wanted in simple actionable steps, and for a lonely teenager who had a bleak outlook on life, this was my ticket to a new world.

I can honestly say that action in this book not only changed my life for the better, but it was EASY to do so. 

Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking 

This was a really helpful book for those that deal with anxiety.

Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own thoughts that we aren’t able to really communicate with others.

Or we might have feelings like we are inadequate or our spouse is cheating on us etc etc- even though those things aren’t true.

This book helped to change the negative thinking patterns.

Conclusion 

Hopefully, one of the books above resonated with you, or you own a copy and can go refresh yourself. 

A marriage is a living organism, we need to feed it and nurture it so that it can grow- and sometimes we need to work on ourselves too. 

I compiled all the latest data on Firefighter Divorce Statistics too- definitely check that out!

Do you have any books that you would recommend for someone in a similar situation? 

Share this post for others that may need some maritial inspiration for a marriage in need of help!

15 quick tips to Instantly Improve your First Responder Marriage

15 tips to instantly improve your marriage

Relationship advice. Marriage Advice. Couples tips. Books. Counseling.

These all take TIME. Time that is hard to come by, and time that might not be available (especially when you hardly see your spouse!)

Yes, we should make time for our spouse, intentional time, but that doesn’t happen as often as it should. Maybe you even believe that if you don’t make hours of time each day for your spouse that your relationship will suffer. Or that by not talking to them (especially while they are on shift) that you have somehow messed up your marriage.

So we know that we want to give our marriage time and improve it, but how?

What if their was a way to instantly improve your marriage with the little time you had, the stolen time you sneak in between work and chores and the second job. Or maybe you just want to add some spice to your marriage- you get so into the normal routine that nothing exciting happens anymore.

Reconnecting with your spouse can be exciting. It can be Fun. It can also be done in under 5 minutes a day.

These tips are easy, quick and inexpensive. The best part, they can lead to a happier marriage- instantly.

Man and Woman Happy on a Bicycle. Tips to improve your marriage.

15 Tips for Instantly Improving your Marriage

1.Give them an honest compliment (one with substance). Not like, “You smell Nice” but more like ” I really appreciate that you did the dishes after dinner, it always makes me happy when we work together”

2. Go to bed at the same time together.

3. Pick up their favorite item from the grocery store or gas station without telling them ahead of time.

4. Next time you are home before your spouse, make sure to greet them at the door. Be excited, give them some affection and tell them how happy you are to see them.

5. Pull the car over and makeout.

6. Give them a surprise shoulder massage.

15 Ways to Instantly Improve your First Responder Marriage

7. Make a little love note (like a post-it) and leave it where they can see it before work. bonus- add several traits that you love about them.

8. Ask them to go for a walk with you (even if its around the yard) and hold hands.

9. Genuinely Compliment them in front of someone else, the kids, your family, the neighbors.

10. Take 5 minutes and plan out your next date night. It helps to have one or two ideas in mind so it doesn’t have to be a hard decision.

Check out my list of date ideas- I included fancy, cheap and daytime options.

11. Text them something sweet- especially at the start of their work day so they can start the day off on the right foot.

12. Bring up a funny memory you have with your spouse and share it with them.

13. Turn off their alarm and wake them up with some kisses- just like you did when you first started sharing a bed.

14. Next time you get frustrated, give them a compliment sandwich. It does require you to stop and think before talking. “I’m thankful you grabbed the trash cans when you came home from work. You forgot to put the trash bag out before pickup. I really appreciate that you mowed the lawn even though you didn’t have time”

15. Give them a call only to tell them how much you love and appreciate them. If they don’t answer, leave them a sweet voicemail.

But is it really that simple?

Can you really improve your marriage when you start doing small things like what was mentioned above?

Yes you can, and here’s why.

You’ll notice that your marriage has evolved into this thing that has it’s own set of rules. Your spouse likes this one thing, so you do it without thinking about it. Likewise your spouse knows you prefer to go to the gym only on weekdays, so they accommodate for that.

But that also applies to other family relationships, or work relationships. You begin to find a groove, people understand certain things about you. You grab your coworker coffee, and you make your cousin her favorite dessert. But do you also do those things for your spouse?

That’s why you want to make a marriage special. You shouldn’t be calling your coworker just to tell them how much you appreciate them, when you never tell your spouse. You won’t be texting your mom ” I love you” 10 times a day (though it’s totally good to tell your mom you love her), when all your spouse get is grocery lists and chore reminders.

You don’t want to treat your spouse like a coworker, and you don’t want to treat a coworker or other person better than your spouse- that’s backwards. You don’t want to have more respect for your coworker or family member (like talking to them calmly when a mistake has been made), than your spouse.

So when you take the time to do these little things, that show love and appreciation to your spouse, your building up the relationship. These little actions do have an instant impact on your marriage, and they also have a very big long term impact.

Conclusion

Here’s what you need to do now.

Grab your top three items in this list (or other you thought about) and try them out this week.

Find the time to love on your spouse- you’ll be glad you did.

Recommended Posts

If you are struggling with your marriage, this actionable advice for a marriage in crisis could be helpful.

40 Texts to send your Firefighter on Shift

Tips for the Firefighter Couple


Dating a Firefighter- Secrets you need to know

If you’ve come to this page you’ve landed yourself a firefighter (engaged perhaps?), or you have a firefighter love interest, or you want to have a firefighter love interest (or your some old lady looking to get your rocks off on what people consider dating now-a-days).

Anyways…

Firefighter- you- dating. (unless you’re married, in which case hop over to my post about Firefighter Divorce for the scoop on the facts!)

There are some things you need to know about dating a firefighter, from ridiculous stereotypes that are anything but true, to the feel good stuff that makes your heart warm.

These are pretty well kept secrets when it comes to firefighter dating.

Why?

Probably because firefighters are secretive themselves. But they are also a misunderstood bunch- they still deserve love!

Sigh… I’m such a romantic optimistic- makes me sick sometimes.

This is going to apply to Volunteer and Career firefighters- but not so much to wild land.

Yes, some of it applies, but wildland firefighters have their own weird schedules and brotherhood that might make dating even more difficult.

So if your dating a Wild Land Firefighter or Hotshot- I have no advice, just love.  (And this is also pretty gender neutral- we’ve got some amazing female firefighters that want to find love too!!!!)

So you found yourself a firefighter? Things can be a little different when you date one- but not in a bad way, just different. Really, really different. There’s definitely pros and cons to dating a firefighter!

If you’ve been in a relationship with a firefighter before you still might learn something new, if not, at least you have something to laugh at! 

And if you haven’t gotten yourself a firefighter- what are you waiting for? Pin this for later

The Truths about Dating a Firefighter

#1

They are going to have a lot of firefighter tshirts and apparel- and they might not even realize it. And they will probably want to keep all of it… forever.

Pinterest is littered with Firefighter T-shirt quilts.

If I wasn’t knee deep in firefighter shirts I would think this is kind of funny, but I might Konmarie the closet soon.

#2

They’ve got some baggage, like the emotional kind – Being a Firefighter is cool and all, but some of the stuff they’ve had to deal with, from things at the station to calls they’ve run, can add up to some bad memories.

This is not an excuse for them to be assholes– simply a reminder that some days will be better than others. 

#3

They have their own code/language/hand signs (honestly its like some sort of legal gang).

And they might be really awful at explaining some of the code and how it relates to fire stuff. 

Or where the heck they picked up all these code words and slang. But it’s also kinda cute to hear them talk about fire stuff and on the phone.

#4

All Firefighters feel something when there is a LODD (line of duty death) – He’s scrolling through his Insta Feed and all of a sudden, his mood turns sour.

It was probably a LODD.

Maybe he wants to talk about it, maybe he needs a few minutes, but the truth is that there is a firefighter death weekly and its not the happiest thing to think about. It really sucks.

#5 

They are not automatic cheaters because they are firefighters.

If they cheat, it’s because they are cheaters before, during and after being a firefighter. Most Firefighters are good people. You can see this post about Firefighter Divorce for more information.

#6

Firefighters have a thing for big trucks and lights – Sure this applies to the job.

Obviously working as a firefighter they get their rocks off by playing with hose and scaring dog walkers with their loud sirens.

#7

Talking to you while working can be hard. Yes, most of the unmarried generation has cell phones and that makes things hella easy to stay in touch.

But if they get a call or have a meeting or training- DONT FREAK OUT. They are working. It’s likely things are totally fine.

#8

Most Firefighters end up wearing a ridiculous amount of navy blue and black.

Why? I have no idea besides its their uniform colors at work.

Maybe its a subconscious thing?

#9

They can talk, and talk, and talk… about the fire life.

The drama. The fires. This really cool video they saw on youtube. 

PRO TIP: Either call them on their shit, or redirect.

#10

Firefighters, especially really hungry ones, can eat like a freakin caveman. Like grunting and all.

HOPEFULLY- you’ve never seen this side of your firefighter.

But if you have, I’m sorry. They get so afraid that a call will come through while they are eating that they scarf it like an uncivilized brute. 

The Secrets about dating a firefighter

#11

Oh, and most of them actually can cook.

That’s not some weird stereotype. Even if they don’t cook like your grandma, they still should have a few good meals up their sleeve!

#12

They are not rich. HA.

You’ll be out in public and people will say, “Your a firefighter! So what do you make?”

Not enough, stranger, not enough. Firefighters don’t do the job for the pay (though it should pay most of the bills!)

#13

Firefighters are at higher risks of Cancer, Heart Disease and Suicide. I don’t share this to scare you, but so that you can be part of the solution.

If you love them or see yourself having a family with them- talk about these things so they can make some preventative choices. 

#14

Yes, Firefighter conventions are like. all. The. Time.

No, they probably aren’t lying to you about some last minute trip for a 5 day training in Vegas. 

#15

And the calls… they aren’t lying about those either.

They can happen at anytime and for any reason. From stubbed toes to a multiple vehicle accident requiring the patient to be airlifted.

Try not to be too noisy, Firefighters aren’t supposed to gossip- and that includes whoever they are dating! 

#16

Don’t be surprised if they don’t bring you around the station too much when you first start dating.

There’s this really outdated saying, “Saving lives and stealing wives” and some firefighters are just little cautious.

Although, if it continues after awhile, there might be something else at play. Understandable in the beginning, but if you start to get really serious and he doesn’t want you to meet his second family, talk to him about it!

#17

They are obsessed with Instagram- it’s their social platform.

They love the pictures and the videos and how many times so and so did this really cool workout.

Maybe your obsessed with Instagram too- perfect! If not, sorry! My firefighter even has a special firefighter group chat on instagram- it’s where they love to be!

#18

Firefighters are totally inappropriate, and I’m not sure if that ever goes away.

We went to Disney and saw a Firefighter entertainer (he’s retired and now moonlights at Disney as a Main Street Volunteer Firefighter) and he cracked some of the most hilariously inappropriate jokes I have EVER heard at DISNEY! AND MY HUSBAND LAUGHED.

At this point, I’m just trying to save our kids from the silliness that are firefighter jokes and pranks- wish me luck!

#19

They can’t have a beard.

And its a sour point for some of them because their are some studies that show that stubble might be beneficial or some jazz. Ask them about it.

OBVIOUSLY doesn’t apply to any lady firefighters you might be dating- just saying.

#20

Firefighters are Educated. Want yourself an educated spouse? That would be a firefighter.

Not all of them are walking around with a 6 year degree, but many many many of them have 2-4 years of school and training under their belt.

Even the volunteers, especially the ones that have been around awhile, have a lot of training and education. And that’s a good thing, I want someone with training when I call 911.

The BIGGEST SECRET about being in a relationship with a firefighter

Want to know the biggest secret?

The one that people might know but they often forget?

Here it is:

We love the firefighter, but not because of their job, we love them for who they are.

Because at any time in their life they could change careers- and if you truly loved them, you would stay with them despite the career change.

And if they truly loved you, they might change careers if they realize that being a firefighter could be causing more harm than good (like when they deal with severe PTSD and anxiety).

But also know that they can get help for these things and still be a firefighter.

Want some Firefighter Dating Advice?

Try not to compare them to any other person you have dated.

I know that sounds cut and dry, but let’s get honest here.

Firefighters are a rare breed- they live through things we can’t imagine, they are trained for things we would never do.

But like any other human- They deserved to be loved for the person they are.

So take all the secrets and truths up there so that you can UNDERSTAND your firefighter, but remember that no one relationship is the same. Comparison is the thief of joy!

Conclusion

Learn anything new? I hope so.

If not, drop me a comment or an email (no hate mail on what I missed LOL!) and let me know what I missed on the whole dating thing. It’s been a hot minute since I dated someone, and I wanted to make this post for one of my Husband’s brothers at the station.

Sometimes Firefighters need somewhere to point their new flame (HA!) and I thought a post outlining some of the things to expect would be most appropriate for helping the new couple with the fire side of dating.

Recommended Firefighter Relationship Posts

Tips for the firefighter couple

Firefighter Date Night Ideas

Firefighter Wedding Gear for your Big Day

The Best Firefighter Gifts for all occasions

Firefighter Valentine’s Day gifts for him and her

Firefighter Gifts for him and her blog title

Want to get your Firefighter something special for Valentines Day? What do you get the firefighter wife for Valentine’s Day? Do you have an anniversary coming up soon? And we can’t leave out all the firefighter girlfriends and boyfriends from the mix!

But where do you start? Is it a steamy hot date idea (check out my list of ideas here for inspiration!) 

I mean, you could just browse Etsy forever… it’s like a trap when I open my app, but I never find the perfect gift.

This list of Firefighter gifts is sure to ease the question, “What do I get my loved on for valentines day?” From newly dating, to freshly engaged, to married for years- this gift guide will give Ideas and Inspiration for your gift.

And if you are dating, you need to check out my Secrets for Dating a Firefighter!

Ive broken down this gift guide into 4 parts.

I’ve included lots of firefighter items and NON fire themed items (I mean, how many firefighter t-shirts can you own???) 

This post contains affiliate links, please see my affiliate disclosure for more information. 

Firefighter Valentine's Day Gift Ideas

Gifts for Firefighters for Valentine’s Day- FireMen/FireWoman

Helmet Accessories

Helmet accessories are a popular option for Firefighter gifts, especially because some of them can be very useful from a safety standpoint.

Stickers are always a fun gift BUT they need to be made from special material- so don’t go crazy getting every sticker you see. They need to be approved so they don’t melt.

Another good option for helmets are flashlights! You can get a flashlight holder for pretty cheap, and a flashlight and holder combo for a good price.

You can also do a helmet band. These can be used to hold other accessories and come in plain and reflective bands.

Custom Firefighter Gifts

Amazon has a few custom firefighter gifts, but Etsy custom firefighter gifts are more diverse. If you want to do something like a radio strap- contact someone on Instagram! Their are so many awesome artists making unique custom firefighter gifts.

Firefighter aprons are always a fun gift– especially if you want your firefighter to cook for you more!


And if you haven’t gotten your Firefighter a custom tumbler cup– then you definitely need to consider it! These are a HOT item!

Another Fun option for Firefighters are Recycled Fire Hose Gifts. You can check out my gift guide here!

If you didn’t find a specific firefighter gift for valentines day- check out my Pinterest board. It has tons of great ideas and is one of my most popular boards to date!

pin this post for later!

Valentines Day gifts for Firefighters. Includes options for Him and Her, and non fire related gifts too! #firefighter #firefighterwife

Gifts for him

Every day Carry Options

Most guys carry things on a semi regular basis- their “every day carry”.


These can be something as simple as a Watch or a Wallets. Knives are pretty popular too, along with multitools.

They are useful for every day carry and also for work! Some other favorites include flashlights, raptor trauma sheers and paracord bracelets.


Go sentimental

Many Firefighters carry trinkets in their gear, reminding them to think about the loved ones at home. The popular ones this year are keychains

This one is a cute “His and Her’s” Option

I like this one, which can be customized, “Come home safe to me”

And this one is a “his and hers” option.

Gifts for Her

Firefighter themed jewelry

Yes, most women are obsessed with firefighter shirts- it’s not just a male thing. And while there are tons of cute options online, you might want to get them something more original.

When looking for jewelry you need to decide two things. 1. Are they a necklace or bracelet type person? 2. Do you want to customize it?

This thin red line necklace is super popular this year!

If you want to customize your thin red line necklace, this would be the option to choose!


Bracelets are another super popular item, and there are lots to choose from! Like this, “My Heart Belongs to a Firefighter” bracelet and this Firefighter Wife bracelet with customizable colors.

Pamper her with love

This can be anything from giving her some alone time, to paying for the house or car to get cleaned!

Gift Baskets can also be an easy way to take care of your girl, Amazon has lots of options from spa gift baskets, cookie/Treat gift baskets and essential oils with a necklace.

Gifts for them

Steamy

I need not to remind you- but getting some new lingerie or matching underwear sets is a fun way to share something with your partner that only they get to see!

Sweet

Last, but not least, Sweet gifts are a great way to reconnect with your spouse!

These devotional journals and inspiration journeys are a sure fire way to connect with your loved one- and they are guided so you don’t have to do much work! These are a must do for newer relationships to help build a solid foundation! Examples include a bucket list journal, a gratitude journal, and a 150 questions designed to get to know your spouse better.

Coupon books are another favorite– you can find them in lots of different styles, and of Course, you can make your own! The homemade ones might be there very best because they are tailored to the couples needs.

Conclusion

I hope you found the perfect firefighter valentines day gift for your husband or wife, send them this gift guide so they can know what to get you too! And Don’t forget to check out my super popular tips for the Firefighter couple.

Interested in some date ideas for Valentine’s Day? I have a super useful list of date ideas- from Fancy to Free! Hot Date Night Ideas for the Perfect Firefighter Date

Do you have big plans for valentines day? Are you getting your loved one a gift I mentioned? Drop me a comment below!

Share this post on Social Media, your Firefighter Family will thank you!

Need help with the perfect gift for your firefighter or Firefighter spouse? Check out these easy gift guide with lots of great ideas for valentines day!

Hot Date Ideas for Firefighters

Spending time with your partner is soooo important! But anyone that is with a first responder will know, it’s not always the easiest thing to do. 

And just because they say your supposed to go on dates, doesn’t mean that you actually do. Or maybe you just started dating a firefighter!

Between crazy work schedules for one spouse, work schedules for the other spouse and juggling the kids/household/animals/volunteering/projects- ok, I’m giving myself anxiety!

Basically, we need time to reconnect, Firefighter to Lover (or maybe you’re both Firefighters- that’s gotta be hectic!) . And we need to make that time a priority- even if we have 1000 reasons not to. 

The good news is that I compiled a list of Date Ideas for myself, and figured, what the hay, maybe someone else would get some benefit too! I also have this list of Valentines Day Gift Ideas you should check out!

This is split up in categories for ease of use. Included is a mix of free, cheap and “you need to plan ahead” dates. Because life needs variety. 

This post may contain affiliate links at no extra cost to you, check out my affiliate disclosure policy for more info!


PRO TIP: Please Don’t talk about work -and if you do, make it a light mention. My husband and I talk about Firefighting all the time, we are a fire family with a fire blog BUT date night is sacred. 

If you need some conversation starters check out this book by Gary Chapman (the love languages guy!) that gives you 101 conversation starters for couples! Its insanely useful for Date Night and for reconnecting with your spouse when all you want to talk about is work or the kids.

Late Date Nights

🎆 Go to a 24 hour Diner (mcdonalds kinda counts…)

YUM! Even if you just go for shakes, and even if its 45 minutes away.

Just GO! You will have either a great time, or you will wonder why in the heck you even left the house to come to this empty diner- either way, its a memorable bonding experience. 

🎆 Movies 

Need I say more! Real Talk- I haven’t been to the movies in 4 years! But we used to love to go before kids. We would go every other week, it was our “thing”.

If you don’t like the movies, find a local theater and enjoy some live action acts. Those can certainly be just as entertaining and a very unique experience.

🎆 Do late night bowling or other local special event

Many places offer a late night gig on the weekend. From aquariums and baseball games, to bowling and shooting bowl. Find some late night entertainment near you!

If you don’t know where to start, check on google, and then facebook to see what special events might be taking place.

If nothing is available to you, suggest it! A simple comment on their social media page could open a lot of doors for date night events.

Or maybe you could have someone sneak you in- it’s all about who you know!

🎆 Take a Drive

Wether you live in the city or the country, there is something so fun about going for a drive with your lover.

Turn up the radio, get some snacks and find somewhere fun to go, or park, for some more alone time. 

Take your loved one on to a meteor shower (dates here!)

🎆 Dave and Busters or another Arcade deal

Get some tokens and show em whose boss!

It’s been shown that some competition with your spouse will improve your bedroom game

Looking for tips for the Firefighter Couple? Check out this list of 15 applicable and timeless tips for keeping your relationship healthy.

Day Dates

💋 Learn something new at a Museum

Old Firehouses count as museums right? Only kinda kidding. They definitely do!

They have museums for everything now, from science and art to automatizes and yes, they have firefighting museums. 

💋 Sporting or Racing Event

Normally these things are group things, invite the guys or the family. But you might be pleasantly surprised to see how much fun it is with just the two of you.

This doesn’t have to be something you hate either. If you both like football, go there- or if your more of a martial arts couple, go to a tournament!

💋 Get a drink and learn about the process

Another fun stop when you want to take a break and stop adulting for awhile.

Many of these custom wineries and breweries offer tours and history behind their brand. You can also enjoy the many sample options they have available. 

💋 Make art at a Ceramics or Art class

Are you artistic? Even if you aren’t most art places offer a beginners class.

You can have fun creating something new with the guidance of a teacher and maybe you’ll even find something that you like!

My husband and I aren’t the best at art, but it sure is fun to make together. You could also grab some fire hose and make a really cool craft together!

💋 Give Back TOGETHER

Anything can technically be a date if you prioritize it right, even volunteering together.

So get down and dirty with your partner and then go out afterwards (if your not too tired from all the work you put in!).

Watching your spouse give to others in need can be so motivating to why you fell in love with them in the first place. 

Sure you may have your own gigs that you do separately, but there is something about working together for a cause bigger than yourself that can be a real turn on.

Stay at Home Dates 

These are some of my favorites, mostly because they are so low key. I just love to spend time with my husband. 

💋 Puzzles and Board Games 

Nothing says, Imma kick your butt, like playing a board game with your spouse. (unless you’re into martial arts and you actually like kicking butt).

Puzzles are equally as fun as you work on your communication skills LOL! You don’t really know someone until you’ve seen them frustrated with a puzzle. 

Orrrrr you could order some kinda dirty games online. No one said it had to be PG.

💋 Watch the Stars (or the clouds)

You know that picture floating around on the internet with the inflatable pool and pillows under the stars. Yeah, do that.

It’s a ton of fun and a great way to reconnect ESPECIALLY if you have kids. Take the baby monitor outside with you and plan to… hopefully get lucky that they stay asleep. 

I’m not going to lie- we’ve done it before, right when its too cold for mosquitos yet not quite winter. Make sure you aren’t too tired, or else you’ll end up just falling asleep!

💋 Have a Romantic Dinner and Plan to Dance 

Get something to eat at home.

If one of you volunteers to cook, great. My husband and I like to get Take out just because its low stress (most of the time, if they remember to pack everything!).

Then plan to just hang out and dance the night away- even if you both suck at it. 

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Date Night Ideas for the Firefighter Couple #firefighterfamily #firefightercouple #datenight #datenightideas #firefighterwife

Dates the whole family can enjoy

Is it still a date if you bring the kids? Well, kinda. Sometimes circumstances make it so that the kids need to tag along- and that’s ok. What matters is making time to reconnect with your spouse! 

Plus, you need to spend time together as a family, that way your kids can see you interact as husband and wife and not just dad and mom.

If they’re older, just send them up ahead a little ways.

😀 Putt Putt Golf 

Get the kids set up and send them a few holes ahead, that way you can keep an eye on them while still enjoying some time with your spouse. 

make sure you keep score!

😀 Picnic in the Park

Arrange two picnic baskets- one for you and one for the kiddos. Give them their own blanket and let them have fun.

Do what you can to get 20 minutes of conversation in. If that means you need to break out the tablets, then do it! I would suggest something more physical- frizbee or ball playing. That way you can have alone time and tire out the kids!

😀 The Beach/springs/pool

Go when you know it won’t be too busy. That way the kids can have their own little area and you can chill out together with your spouse. 

For the littles

Some of us have baby babies, and we can’t just section them off. I get it! Playgrounds, Bounce houses, and splash pads can be a fun way to let the kids burn off steam while you talk to your spouse- in FULL sentences.

Yes, you will still be interrupted, sorry, but grab some coffee and make the best of it! 

Conclusion

Dates are supposed to be fun! So grab your firefighter and get out there and enjoy the time you have together. If you are getting ready for valentines day this helpful gift guide could give you the inspiration you need.

Spending time together is a great way to destress and build up positive memories when times get tough.

Is your marriage struggling? This post covers a marriage in crisis and some steps you can take.

Do you have any other date night ideas to add? Leave them in the comments below!

A Fire Wife’s Prayer

a Fire Wife's Prayer

Are you a Fire Wife? Engaged to a Firefighter? Or dating one?

If you’re in a relationship with a firefighter- you know that you think about them when they are gone.

I know that some days, all I can do is think about my Firefighter.

These thoughts vary. Some days they are tainted with worry. Other days we just thankful for all of their training.

Some days you might just try hard to preoccupy yourself and “forget” about any danger they could be in or the statistics about LODD’S

And for many fire wives, we think about our husband’s when they are off shift too.

Did that last call get to them? Are they irritable because of sleep deprivation or because of something else more serious? When was the last time they had blood work and a physical?

Firefighter, Always come home safe to me!

What the public doesn’t know about Firefighters 

When you talk to someone that’s not related to Firefighting and all of it’s various occupations, you get a lot of the same generic comments. Comments about how attractive they are, about how they could never run into a burning building, and comments assuming they get paid a lot to lay around all day. 

What the public doesn’t understand is how dangerous their job really is. This job is packed full of stress which leads to heart disease, toxic exposure which leads to cancer and trauma which leads to mental pain. 

The public doesn’t understand, truly, what a sacrifice our Fire Service Personal make when they sign up for the job (or when they volunteer).

It is a job worth doing, but it is never a walk in the park.  

Give my firefighter strength when he is tired.

So that is why Fire Wive’s Pray

Fire Wive’s DO know what their husbands go through. From long seasons in the forest, to rescue trucks that run nonstop for 24 hours. From calls that leave a permanent mark to calls that have them on cloud nine. 

We know that the statistics about divorce are ridiculously inflated and that mental health is drastically underplayed.

We also know that they have signed up to save lives, and that is their calling. We support them, even when it scares us.

Help him carry on despite what he has seen. #firefighter #firewifelife

Fire Wives know that our firemen need us to stay strong. So we pray. For them. For Us. For the Fire family and the public. 

And we trust that a higher power will carry us through.

We Pray for the PTSD that sneaks up out of nowhere, and we pray for our understanding that we don’t know what the bigger plan is.

Firefighter Wife's Prayer- Please Bring Him Home Safe to Me. #firefighterwife

Fire Wives need to stick together

We need to come together for our Fire Family. New, old, ones that have been married twice. This superficial stuff doesn’t need to be a priority. 

What needs to be a priority is praying for these firefighters. 

For bringing awareness to them and the public about the dangers of the job. 

For helping those that have lost their firefighters and working twice as help prevent it in the future. 

Help my Firefighter stay calm and be a voice of reason. #firewifeprayer #firefighters

Conclusion

So Fire Wives, let’s do our best to stay positive and enjoy this ride.

Our Fire Family needs it as it grows in numbers- we don’t want these negative statistics to become any higher. 

If you feel driven to help others, look at what you can do locally or online. To spread awareness, to fundraise, to mentor. For many of us, this isn’t just a job, it has become an extended family. 

And family never leaves anyone behind. 

Do you have something specific you pray for your firefighter? What about things your firefighter might pray for, for you?

May my Firefighter Always be faster than the flames #firewifeprayer #firefighterwife
Lord, Please give my firefighter strength today, even when he is tired. #firewifeprayer #firefighterwife

Tips for the Firefighter Couple

 Firefighter couples know the Fire Life can make things hard. These tips for the Fireman and his Firefighter Wife are timeless and relevant to any marriage or intimate relationship.

Here’s one for all you Firefighter couples out there! From the Firefighter Wife, to the Firefighter girlfriend- and of course for the guys who need some straight forward direction!

Being in a relationship with a firefighter (or both of you being in a medical field/or both firefighters) comes with its own unique set of challenges. 

So whats a couple to do?

Well, there a lot that both of you can do to make sure that the relationship stays intact and healthy. When you ask most people how they have a good relationship, they say things like “we truly love one another” and “ we communicate a lot”.

BOTH of those are great. But that doesn’t tell you how.

Just saying ‘communication’ doesn’t really give you a starting point. I know my husband and I struggled with this hardcore in the beginning.

Turns out, he and I have a completely different meaning of the definition of communication. So not only did we not communicate, but we thought the other person was completely wrong!

This post may contain affiliate links. Check out my disclosure for more information.

Here’s 15 tips, habits and ways to make it work (and that will help the communication flow without being forced!) for all you firefighter couples out there!

15. Set some goals-

You need to know where you’re going in the next few years. And this isn’t one of those things where you just agree for the sake of agreeing. No. Its a real discussion, about real possibilities. Maybe you even see that the two of you aren’t on the same page, so it gives you a starting place for getting unified. 

14. Prioritize the relationship-

I know this is a “duh” statement, but its also soooo important to remember. We all get caught up in things from time to time, so we need to make it a habit to prioritize the relationship. If you want some tips on how to balance your work life balance, check out this article I wrote about making it work with family and the fire life. 

13. Set up a time once a week where you check in with each other-

This is another no brainer that often gets passed by. How many times have you started the week and then realized it was already Thursday or Friday?

In the hustle and bustle of life we can get caught up in the groove, only to realize we were too preoccupied with everything else.

Having a set time each week to check in can be helpful- but also hard in the fire service.

For my husband and I, we make it a priority to check in on the weekend and just have time to chat about whatever is going on in our lives. That way its not a set day, but we know that come the weekend, we’re going to catch up. 

12. Practice gratitude-

Tell them why your thankful. Being thankful can have such a positive impact on a relationship. Instead of looking at everything your upset about, or wish you could change, look at what you do actually have. And your spouse will thank you too.

Sometimes (most times) they need and want someone to tell them they are doing something right. This can be a simple word of encouragement, a quick note or a surprise gift. 

11. Apologize… and mean it.

No really, how many times have we said sorry just to end an argument. This is silly and petty behavior. If you are in a healthy relationship, you should be able to apologize and mean it- or put a pin in it for the two of you to come back to later. 

10. Fight Fair.

Speaking of Apologizing- don’t say ‘sorry’ just to throw it back up in the other persons face. And don’t constantly bring up something that the other person has truly apologized for. Otherwise your just going around in circles about the past that can’t be changed.

Another thing- don’t fight on shift day. PLEASE.

Just don’t do it.

Our loved ones have some pretty risky jobs. They need to have their head in the game, and they need to be able to focus. If something is bad enough that it needs to come up at work, then they need to go home to deal with the problem. 

9. Have good sex- and be honest about it.

Sure sure, good sex, yep, been there, checked that off my list, lets move on<<<< is that either one of you? It happens more often than you think, but people think sex is just… well, sex.

They don’t put too much effort into it, and they often times aren’t honest about it.

So lets talk about the weird, awkward position that you hate, or how there isn’t enough foreplay or how you loved the other night because it was passionate. Because a healthy sex life matters. 

8. Make sure you have your own space-

Why? because it’s important for personal growth. You are still two completely different people. It is acceptable and totally normal to have your own separate hobbies and things you like to do.

Just make sure that when you are doing your own thing, that you don’t alienate your partner. Don’t go hang out with someone that flirts with you- that’s just asking for trouble.

  Find a good support system! I know my family and friends are priceless. Val from Wife Behind the Fire has a great article on building your tribe. 

7. Don’t just talk- listen too.

Whats the point of communicating if it goes in one ear and out the other. Or even worse, if you’ve already made up your mind about something and will just offer advice without listening to what your significant other needs? I’ve been guilty of both of those- and its not pretty. 

My husband and I both get in the habit when we are preoccupied with “Mm Hmm” or “Yep” or “That’s signs nice”

BECAUSE WE WEREN’T LISTENING. I could smack myself sometimes.

A relationship is a two way street, so put down the phone and actually engage with your partner. You will be surprised how much you actually care about what they say when you pay attention.

And don’t for a second think that your spouse can’t listen. Firefighters lives depend on their ability to follow instructions. And the wives… they can hear things from across the room, especially if its back talk. Utilize these listening skills on each other!

6. Support Change (even if your firefighter hates it!!!)

Change is the only constant in life and its bound to happen more often than you want! Change will also happen with your partner, and it’s not always favorable.

Some events can lead to a negative change and this is where you would want to have an honest conversation. Others will lead to good changes, and you want to support that.

If we hide under the covers and pretend like change doesn’t happen- it WILL bite you in the ass. 

A huge change that happens every year is where our firefighters are at on holidays, birthdays and special events. It can be hard to roll with the changes, but you can still have a great Christmas even if your firefighter is working on the 25th. 

5. Accept that you can’t change their family-

WOOOOOO. Family. The “extra baggage”. Can’t live with em and cant live with em.

One thing that you can do is change how you treat them. Going to family events just to leave sour is not pleasant for you or your spouse.

So do your best to be cordial or limit contact with toxic people. It will make your relationship that much sweeter. 

Plus, once you’ve accepted that they are going to love you or hate you no matter what you do, you can be free to be yourself. Don’t let them cramp your style. Communicate with them and with your spouse about these things so you can reach a happy medium.

Most *normal* people can be reasoned with. And if you’ve got some crazy family, well then, welcome to the club!

4. Build Trust-

Yep, I went there. The old “build your trust and save your relationship” speech. It may seem cliche but its a really important part of your relationship.

Not too long ago I realized that I had a big area of my life that I didn’t trust my husband in. We’ve known each other since we were teens and have been married almost 5 years.

It really caught him off guard BUT we’ve been able to honestly and quickly move past it (and we built the trust that we ignored wasn’t there).

I was able to use some self help books to kind of get to the root of the matter. Mostly, it was how I talked and responded. This book about trust words was a good starting point for changing the way I approached trust with the way I talked.

Take a good honest look at some of the reasons behind your behaviors and you might be surprised by the lack of trust in certain areas. 

3. Have realistic expectations-

Any one else set themselves up for failure because they had this grand plan in their head and instead of it turning out like an episode of MTV’s ‘Sweet Sixteen’ it was more of a ‘Redneck Wedding’?

Yeah, that used to be me.

From going out to eat to family vacations- I was royally screwing myself over by wanting the impossible (well behaved children all the time… yeah, that doesn’t exist!) If your interested in a more in depth look at expectations, check out this blog I wrote for the Fire Wife.

Basically, you need to set some realistic goals and expectations. Then make a plan to achieve them. You won’t loose 5 pounds if you keep ordering Chick-fil-a and you won’t have a neat house if you keep buying stuff everyday from Amazon.

2. Love yourself so you can love them-

Do you love yourself? Do you wake up each morning just happy and thankful to be you?

This is another ‘piece to the puzzle’ in the adventure called life. See, when you love yourself, you can give to other people without needing any love in return, because you already feel complete.

It’s not quite that simple (you cant be in a one sided relationship) but it is useful when you have a spouse that is completely burnt out, stressed, overwhelmed, or having a bad day.

You can help them to the best of your ability, and then take care of the things you need to do, because you already have fulfillment in your life. It also allows you to not based your self worth on them, if they are frustrated with you, it doesn’t throw you to rock bottom and tank your set esteem. 

1.Forgive-

Does this need explanation? Don’t let someone rent negative space in your head. Forgive and do better next time. 

One of my favorite quotes is “He who angers you, conquers you”.

And, Damn, if that isn’t the truth! When you don’t forgive someone, the damage is mostly being done to yourself. Odds are they have forgotten, moved on, or strategically pissed you off just so they could ‘conquer’ you.

Forgiveness is the key to Marriage because you and your spouse aren’t perfect. I don’t even think you could be considered ‘normal’ (what’s normal anyway??) so by forgiving each other, you can love each other more.

Conclusion

These tips are ones that I use in my own marriage- not perfectly of course. They have helped my husband and I through the ups and downs of life, and life doesn’t have any plans to slow down (just when I feel caught up something new happens!).

Thankfully we have an arsenal of tips to fall back on.

If your new to the Fire Life and Dating a Firefighter I have a post just for you, Dating a Firefighter- what you need to know. 

Being in the Fire life does change your relationship some. It’s weird having periods of time, like 24 to 48 hours, where you hardly see or talk to one another.

Then you have longer stretches of time where you are off together and start to get cabin fever. I get it! I do. Just know that the rate of firefighter divorce is actually lower than the national average. And you have lots of resources available to help you!

So I want to know FireFighter Families, Do you have any useful tips for couples to survive this crazy adventure called life (especially with the fire service thrown in the mix!) Leave me a comment and let me know if you have any other great suggestions for keeping a healthy relationship with the fire life.

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